He won't let me sleep - II

Just as we think we don't matter or are actions are lost among those of billions of other people, something bizarre might just change our rigid perceptions.Continuing from Part-I

Well my visit was a colossal failure. Not only I paid a hefty sum for no solution, but also the medication just made things worse. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness every time to be woken up by a dark, flailing, howling figure. By the time this cycle was broken by my alarm at six I felt the spectre was getting nearer and the noise louder. On top of that I was very tired. But I went for a jog anyways as that was my only solace in this shit storm.

With days of sleep deprivation apparent on my face, I dragged myself to office. As my luck would have it, the boss called in a stupid meeting to discuss some community outreach initiative. Like I give a damn. The bloody meeting lasted for almost an hour and I think someone was acknowledged for something because everyone suddenly started clapping. Not knowing or caring why, I joined in too. After the infernal meeting was over I managed to reach my workstation and started going through my inbox. Out of twelve new mails only two had anything to do with work, rest all directly or indirectly asked about my visit to the shrink. ‘So much for confiding in friends, I’ll kill him if I ever ….’, ‘So how did it go?’ asked Kunal. ‘Think of the devil’, I thought and somehow managed a polite ‘not so well’ without actually hurting him. And I repeated this for a dozen other people, and every time my urge to kill grew stronger (Okay maybe that’s insomnia talking).

I dreaded meeting more people with pity in their eyes so I spent the lunch break at my cubicle. ‘Hey you are the guy that ……’, ‘YES’, I shouted. ‘ I am the one who is losing his mar….’, the words stopped in their tracks as I turned around to see the shocked face of the girl from cubicle 131. ‘Oh. Hey … Umm, I am really sorry, I didn’t mean to…, it’s just that I am having a really rough day’, I managed without bursting into flames. ‘Really …, but after the acknowledgement I thought you would be happy, or at least I think it was you in the meeting this morning’, she said, calmly and surprising me. ‘To be honest I wasn’t paying much attention’, I confessed. You are the guy who helped an old lady right’, she asked. ‘Yeah but I didn’t knew that was public knowledge’, I replied surprised again. ‘Well you would have had you been awake in the meeting, though I don’t blame you’. I was speechless over her remark. ‘I know these meetings can take their toll, but for someone who had been here less than a month you are pretty direct’, I told her quite impressed.  ‘Well I do tend to speak my mind but it wasn’t the meeting it’s you. You look like you’ve been to hell and back’, she said. ‘Ya, I have been having some trouble sleeping lately. By the way I am Deepvrath or, Deep if you like’, I said extending my hand. ‘Oh so sorry, I am Sarika, Sarika Ahuja’, she said shaking my hand. ‘Well it was nice meeting you Sarika, but I should get back to work’, I said and felt like kicking myself for it. ‘Ya me too’, she said waving her hand, as she moved towards her cubicle with a beautiful smile on her face.

I was ready to face any demons that day, or so I thought. But I was wrong, oh so wrong. That night the shadow was even closer I could almost make out the outline of his attire and the din was almost mind numbing. But before it got any closer I woke up. It was three in the morning, that’s four hours of sleep – ‘a new record’, I thought. But my head really hurt. I fought my instincts and the pill to stay awake for another couple of hours before deciding to go for an early jog. That was a bad idea. After such a long time my lack of sleep started showing on the track also. After completing just three fourths of my usual distance I was all out. When I reached home I had half a mind to take the day off, but remembering Sarika’s smile I changed my mind.

Day two after “the visit” started the same as last one (‘why can’t people mind their own business’). But on the plus side no stupid meeting and to top it all Sarika came over.

‘You really should see someone or take a pill or something’, she said with concern in her voice. Which I confess made me glad. ‘Been there done that’, I thought. ‘ Hey … , you don’t ..’, I almost said it out loud that she didn’t knew I had seen someone for this. ‘I don’t ….what?’ she asked. ‘Umm, nothing … not important. So it looks that bad, huh’, I asked. ‘Please, I’ve actually seen full blown junkies looking better’. ‘Well I don’t think I can do much at this point. I suppose it will take its course’, I said dreading how true that might be. ‘But I thought you just have trouble sleeping, my dad had the same problem but the pills helped him’, she said with a warm and sympathetic look in her eyes. ’It’s a little more complicated than that. Maybe some other time, I have a lot of work right now and I suppose you do too’ I said opening my mail and randomly sifting through screens hoping she would buy it. ‘If you don’t want to tell me that’s fine, I mean you barely know me so expecting you to open up would be unrealistic. But I was just trying to help’. I could sense that I had hurt her feelings. ‘Look Sarika, I know, in fact you’ve been the most help so far’, I said stating the obvious. ‘More than your shrink….’, she asked in an almost teasing tone. ‘So, you do know’, I said looking at my feet. ‘Honestly you’ve been more helpful than that quack and her pills put together’. And without even meaning to I caved, ‘how about this after work I will tell you everything. You know the café down the street, let’s meet there. It’s just I don’t want to discuss this in the office’, I pleaded. ‘Okay I’ll see you after work then’, she said going away. ‘Oh shit! Me and my big mouth, when she finds out, she is going to think I am totally bonkers.’ But it was out of my hands.

As we sat down in the café with my cappuccino and her drink, which I can’t even pronounce, I noticed something for the first time – ‘you’re engaged ‘, I said looking at the ring on her hand. ‘Yes, that’s kind of the reason for my shift. Getting hitched in three months’, she said with a huge smile. ‘Well congratulations’, I said , feeling unexpectedly –relieved. Now I didn’t really care if she thought I was a nutter. I felt as if I could tell her my story without any consequences and who knows maybe get some solution that doesn’t involve electric shock therapy. ‘Are we going to do this or what?’ she said clicking her fingers at my face. ‘Just thinking where to begin from. Ah you see about a couple of weeks back I started having a nightmare’, with that I narrated the entire ordeal and she didn’t interrupt me even once. ‘And you know what spooks me out – yesterday when I woke up I felt as if he was familiar somehow.’

`So …..?’ I said after almost a minute’s silence. ‘You know, the fact that this person appears familiar makes me think you’re probably not losing it’, she said very calmly taking a sip of whatever the hell she was drinking. Now this I wasn’t prepared for. ‘You are crazy’. ‘You really need to go back to the shrink.’ But not this. ‘Really you believe me, what if I am making this up?’ I asked. ’Are you?’ she threw right back at me. I was left dumbfounded. ‘Well for one it is too fantastic a story, if you aren’t living it chances to come up with it are pretty slim. Secondly’, she said showing as many fingers,’ you really do look like you can use a week’s sleep, at the least’.’ And thirdly, no attention seeker would go to this length of destroying his social reputation’ she said raising another finger. Finally when I was capable of talking again I told her ‘firstly, thanks for being cool about the whole thing and not bolting towards the door’, now my turn to raise the fingers. ’And secondly, what do you think…’, I asked. ‘I don’t know’, pat came her reply. ‘ Right now I am drawing a blank, I’ll tell you if something comes to my head’ . I was a little disappointed but then I told myself that it isn’t her job to help nut cases.

But maybe she did help in a way, because after twelve days I got a full night’s sleep, so did the night after that, and the one after that. But what I didn’t know was that soon I was in for one really long night.

He won't let me sleep - I

Just as we think we don't matter or are actions are lost among those of billions of other people, something bizarre might just change our rigid percetions.


‘So how long this has been happening’, she asked. I told her , ‘it has been ten days’.
‘And it is always the same, or…’; she just left it hanging. I hate it when she does that. ‘Well like I said, earlier it was vague, faded, like a watermark and now a lot clearer but essentially … yeah, it’s always the same’, I explained.

‘Okay Deep, may I call you Deep’. I said she could. I admit that even though I have met people with similar issues but I can say, and quite honestly so, that this situation of yours “in entirety” is a first’, she said sounding more amused than rattled, contrary to what I had expected. But her frank remark made me even more uneasy, or maybe it’s just the ambiance.

My name is Deepvrath Bhatia, I know sounds like a priest’s name. But the truth is far from it. Easiest way to describe me would be to call me a poster boy for “the regular guy”, you know – decent acads, leave school at 18, finish college by 21, get a job, rent an apartment and constantly worry about the future. Coming back to my predicament, I’ve been having a little problem, which would be euphemism for I can’t sleep.

For the past 10 days I haven’t managed more than a couple of hours shut eye per night. Truth be told, now, I am too afraid to sleep.

Initially I chalked down my problem to the regular demons – ‘too much work’, ‘worrying about the future’, particularly worrying about no possibility of a future with the girl in cubicle 131’ and so on. But when the issue continued for a week, I confided in a close friend, Kunal. “Bhai tu to pagal ho gaya hai” (man you are losing it), was his almost instant reaction. Once he calmed down he gave me some advice, it confirmed that he really thought I am losing it. With no end in sight to this torment, and as a last resort, I took it. Latter regretted it.

On the ninth day I called Dr. Preethi Gupta’s office and confirmed an appointment for the next day. I reached there about ten minutes early. I approached a woman who looked like a receptionist, a secretary and, a nurse all rolled into one. Or at least that may have been the attempted look. She politely informed me that the doctor was with another patient and will join me shortly (talk about standard lines). And she did it in a, what could only be described as, well-rehearsed tone. I sat down and started browsing through that day’s newspaper, which I had already read cover to cover in the morning. Getting bored I started looking around. It wasn’t a bad office, not bad at all. It was roomy with comfortable sitting arrangements, a water cooler and a receptionist’s desk for the all in one lady. All this wrapped within light brown colored walls. ‘Hmm! Must be doing pretty well’, I thought to myself, all the while thanking that the medical insurance covers visits to a shrink. `Mr. Bhatia’, `Mr. Bhatia’. The lone officer called out from behind the desk, and I acknowledged by raising my hand. ‘It’s your turn to see the doctor’. ’Please take the door on the right’, she said pointing needlessly towards a door, to her right, with the doctor’s plaque. None the less I said, ‘thank you’, rising from my seat.

What is it about the shrinks that make people so ashamed to be in their presence. I almost felt like running away even though there were only three other people in the waiting area, including the reception desk lady. But remembering my situation I pushed through.

The difference in the decor was noticeable. Rack full of accolades, couple of abstract artworks, a book case, and couple of chairs. One of them was occupied by a middle aged lady, probably late forties, and the other one was empty – intended for me. ‘Good Afternoon, Mr. Bhatia’, she said. I mumbled my greeting while taking the empty seat. ‘So let’s begin, shall we’; and with that remark my first, session began.

When I got up that morning I had half a mind to cancel my appointment with the shrink (for some reason I just can’t bring myself to call them psychiatrists). But now there was no going back.
‘So Mr. Bhatia, Geetha informed me that you had a serious issue with insomnia’, she stated that as a matter of fact. ‘We haven’t even started yet, what makes you think it is serious?’ I asked perturbed by her remark, while also thinking, ‘so that’s what all-in-one lady is called’, “Geetha”. ‘I would reserve my judgment till the end of this session. But I think it’s you who thinks this is serious or you wouldn’t be sitting in that chair Mr. Bhatia. ‘Fair enough’, I thought. ‘Well I suppose so’. ‘But before we begin I need to tell you that I already know why I can’t sleep and it’s a lot weirder than an extra shot of cappuccino’. ‘Then what do you need my help for?’, she asked puzzled. ‘ I need you …. to help me get rid of it.’, I pleaded. ‘Okay let’s start with what you feel, is the cause of insomnia’, she said somewhat amused. ‘I see a man in my dreams and he won’t let me sleep’.

I swear to God, if she could have raised her eyebrows just a tad more, they would’ve disappeared behind her hairline. ‘Alright Mr. Bhatia as a patient you already had my attention now you even have my curiosity, could you please give some details to that statement.

‘It all started ten days ago, I saw a man in my dream, waving his hands, shouting at me’. ‘Is that it ….’, she inquired. ’Well again the next day, and the day after that….’ After some convincing on my part (that I wasn’t making this up) she caved, rather amused though, and asked me to start over’. So this time I went to as much detail as possible.

‘For the first few nights I wasn’t really sure, I thought it was just a strange dream. To be frank I barely remembered much the next morning. But then it happened again and again and again. It was like a silhouette of a man, like someone appearing from a dense fog, just a shadow. I think it was the fourth day when I realized that I’ve been having the same dream. Same terrifying nightmare every night. Initially I wasn’t sure if it said anything’. ‘IT ‘, she interrupted ‘and not him?’ ‘Well frankly I thought he was a zombie’. ’Please continue, what did it do?’ She prompted with particular emphasis on it. ‘It threw its hands in the air. And I also think that it was speaking’, I replied in the same vein. ‘What…?’, ‘I mean what did it … he say?’ she asked catching the sarcasm in my tone. I don’t know it was all gibberish as if his lips were stapled’, I answered with a hint of impatience creeping in my voice. ‘Hmm …..’ and she left that hanging for about half a minute, ‘Is there any difference whatsoever between your dreams. Maybe not over two consecutive days, but say the most recent and the earliest one you could recall’, she asked her curiosity rising. Is she a doctor or a journalist, I thought to myself. ‘A little, that figure is a lot clearer now. Like a dark black shape almost like someone coming into a dark alley from the street. And the noise like words coming out of an old badly tuned radio’, I said hoping this might help her help me (wow!! talk about another standard line). ‘I know we’ve been over this but, can you think of anything or anyone, maybe at work, that could be triggering this’, she asked a little exasperated. ‘OH COME ON! Not back to this again’, anguish clear in my voice. ‘I told you already – my job isn’t great but it isn’t bad either, the pay about covers my expenses and the people are decent too ……., hell it’s because of my boss that I haven’t tried shifting yet’. ‘Okay maybe some one particular, trying to reach out to you’, she suggested. I thought of the cubicle 131 again, but immediately discarded the fantasy. ‘No, I am sure that isn’t the case’, I said almost shouting.

‘Deep you say all this goes back ten days. Correct.’ She asked verifying the already verified fact. ‘Yes’, I said with all the patience I could muster. ‘And you are sure nothing happened that day that could, you know…’, she hinted for the third time in the past, ‘Crap it has been 40 minutes only, GOD’, I thought I had been sitting for hours. ‘Look Dr. Gupta how about I recollect my day for you again. Then you, being the expert here, can tell me if something that happened that day could be screwing with my head’, this time I didn’t even try hiding what I thought of her session. ‘Very well then’, she said calmly but with signs of irritation showing on her face.

‘I got up at six in the morning and went for a jog. It was as eventful as it had ever been. I was back in an hour. The power was out so couldn’t turn on the geyser and my bath got postponed. Made myself a cup of tea and sat down with the newspaper. The power was back around nine. Since my clothes also needed ironing I was sure to be late. Normally I would take the metro but given the circumstances I opted for a cab as that’s faster. But just as I was about to get in an old lady fainted on the street. I was late already but nonetheless I got her into my cab and got her admitted to the nearby hospital. Got her son’s number from her purse, called him and left for work when he arrived. And before you jump to any conclusions the old lady is fine, I called the son’s number again in the evening to check and that was the last I heard from them.’ I said all this in a single rant, suddenly realizing that – I was out of breath, thirsty, and it was over an hour into the session.

I could see the “good doctor” looking at her watch. Then she looked at me and probably guessed what I was thinking. ‘Please don’t mind the time unless you need to be somewhere, I have another hour before my next appointment’, she said. ‘As if you are not going to charge me for the extra time’, but this I kept to myself. ‘So, you say you were late to work – how did your boss take it?’, she inquired. ‘Finally new, but again useless, question’, I thought. ‘He was fine, like I told you he is a reasonable person. When I told him the whole incident he was actually quite pleased over my actions.’ … ‘So…..?’ Now it was my turn to leave the question hanging, hoping for any straw to catch hold. ‘Deep honestly, from what you have told me, I really don’t see anything that should be troubling you.’ `But then this is not an exact science’, she added calmly (Is this International Cliché Day).’ Maybe you need to consider the possibility that your nightmare is exactly that, a nightmare.’ I would prescribe something to help you sleep, for this week. But do not continue them without further consultation as these can have serious side-effects’, she warned me while scratching something in the notepad (something she didn’t do a whole lot during the session). She pushed a button and Geetha arrived in response and took the doctor’s note. ‘You can take the prescription from Geetha outside, and she would also help with your billing’, she said with a smile. I left the room, and fifteen minutes later the building never to return again.

The request after very last

The weak can never forgive.Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

When I was scared and shivering,

all anxious with no clue.

None to hide and none to go,

covered in darkness lay the path.

But then there was, and all was clear,

from nothing and nowhere the doors lay open.

When none to be seen, there was help,

halting the shivering, and abating the fears.

I never thanked you, though you lit the path,

when i could see none, you gave me the award.

None was the gratitude I showed,

despite my debt, and the gift of sight.

Always told I had been,

there is strength via faith in your name.

You still bear this rot of a fruit,

even though these words I didn't abide.

Forever my task has been to ask,

beg of you at every instance and time.

Some was needed while some not so much,

you granted most, though I don't know if I earned.

I ask of you once again just in case,

tidings do not allow me to ask.

This is my request after very last,

I hope in your heart may grant,

 forgiveness.

Making way

A narrow stream that I am,

almost insignificant in stature.

I have not the strength to survive these depths.

How will I ever make through the steep falls.

These gorges are deep, and the plains too far.

Having taken my first drop,

and joined by some friends, I grow.

The meek cry will soon be a deafening roar.

Crashing around, playing with rocks I make way.

Falls don't feel so long any more, but the plains are still far away.

With increasing number of companions,

and some nourishment from the heavens, I swell.

No longer an aimless rush, but a steady path I make.

Covering endless ground, making several turns I finally reach the plains.

But there is a lot of journey left to be made, for sea is still a long way.

Treading  through thick and thin,

I become a friend to many, just as many are to me.

Lending a hand, loosing old names and getting several new, I move.

A lot I have, and a lot more to be seen, for the miles ahead are long.

Though be the distance, and many unknowns, I feel I will reach the sea.

Till....the life is too short

Till.... the life is too short is my latest article at fuchha, please do rate it, share it,and any constructive feedback 

is most welcome. ENJOY!!!

Did you ever wish for a terminal ailment? ……

I don’t really need to, but I will, remind you that our country is a land which is home to over 1.2 billion people. In a way it could be said that this is a place with largest number of people who could,potentially,exercise free will (China not being a democracy and all). People, who could follow their dreams and aspirations and make something out of themselves (and hopefully the country). People who can reach for the stars if they really wanted to. But, can they?

I am not an authority on whether they can or they can’t. But I can definitely point out that very few actually do. Why? To explain this I’ll need a for instance.Take a typical boy form an Indian middle class family and happens to be a wonderful artist. He finally joins an art school. You might say that he is following his dream. That’s because you’ve missed the subtext. He finally joined the art school yes, but there is a very good chance it wasn’t his first choice despite his obvious talents. How can that be? Simple really, a middle class boy has to become a professional, such as an engineer, and only on failing to achieve that goal he is forced to choose a field that he is familiar with. Now is he really going to show his true potential when every moment in that place, where he is actually meant to be, is a reminder of his failure and that he is not good enough to be where people who had high hopes for him wanted to see him. Trust me if he ever forgets the society will, generously, remind him of his crimes.

All of us have partaken in discussion(s) where the theme is – why the hell our country, with its monstrous population, not leading across all fields. This discussion usually becomes more engaging when it is around sports, and the favorite one being football. Eleven players running behind a ball, we should own that sport. Then why don’t we? Simply because every talented prospect is not brought up on dribbling drills rather on statements such as “ye ball me laat hi marega to bade ho kar kya karega” (if you’ll just kick the ball around what will you do when you grow up), and of course “football se ghar nahin chalta” (you can’t run a family by playing football). Do I need say more? We are very good at making people realize that talents in anything apart from academics and, thanks to IPL, cricket are a only to be developed as hobbies if we are forgiving.The blunt and more common version is that they are a waste of time and energy since they might be insufficient in terms of sustenance.

Recently, I read several articles almost exclusively on people who discarded what the people thought they should do and chose what they knew all along they could do. But strangely most of them come under one of the following categories – those who suffered and later succumbed, those who suffered and prevailed and those who witnessed the first two.

Now coming back to the question I started with (I apologize if I mislead you, and yes even I think it is a little extreme but – what the hell).Contrary to what your initial opinion might have been, it was meant to point out the relevance of life and living it. Very few are able to break the shackles that are placed upon us by the society. The best and the worst part is that only the individual can take them off, nobody else. And usually it isn’t until the individual realizes that the life is too short to be lived by the expectations of your neighbours (and sometimes the family) that he/she starts to put some effort in this regard. But the real question is how long will it take you?

Woes of a Yes man

Woes of a yes man is my latest article at fuchha, please do rate it there , and any constructive feedback is most welcome. ENJOY!!!

Since time immemorial we have had a very extreme relationship with the beings who surround us. The extremities being – potent loathing and uncharacteristic over-dependence. And it doesn't help when pretenders sully our good name. Who are we, you ask. Well we are the original, untainted and suffering. We are who get framed because of the impostors. We are who can always be depended upon, even to our peril. We are the Yes Men.

Maybe that was a little over the top, but our tale is such that it becomes difficult to contain the flood of emotions. For years our kind has been exploited due to our inability to turn down people. Many of us might have the capacity to handle more than most – but taking it for granted, that’s just plain wrong. Just because we say Sir R. Jadeja that doesn't mean the queen has to knight him now does it.

Oh! and to add to the anguish we get blamed because the people around set a high overall expectation. News Flash….. that isn't our doing. Yeah you heard me. We by nature do not reach out, because quite frankly nobody wants to do more than they have to unless one is really crazy about it. It’s the pretenders I tell you. These loud and pompous brats who keep piling things on thereby making the others, who stay in their comfort zone, look bad. You know what the worst part is when these impostors bite more than they can chew they unload on,surprise surprise, us. So next time please get your facts straight before blaming another poor bugger of our kind.

I reach out to all you good folk hoping that my kind may get some peace of mind. That it will have some respite from the deceivers who masquerade as overachievers, but all they do is coattail other hardworking people and put them under greater pressure. That we will be truly understood.

We are true by nature and by design. Even though we do not appreciate when people pile their responsibilities on us but still we can live with it as long as we get the credit due. But the way things are turning out, the unthinkable isn't far from being realized.

The day we are finally forced to say NO.

Do they? Don’t they?

Do they? Don’t they? is my latest article at fuchha, please do rate it there , and any constructive feedback is most

welcome. ENJOY!!!

Valentine’s day just passed us by, the city was full of romance and hope,but soon after the day got over it probably witnessed a few (if not a lot of) broken hearts and relationships ending. One such romance that ended abruptly was that of AAP’s alliance in Delhi. Some might say it was a tragedy waiting to happen, due to crafty compatriots. After all, people for whom the highest calling has always been serving their own interests rather than those of the community could hardly be expected to back a party which is actually willing to serve. But let’s look back at the highlights and see what did Arvind Kejriwal and the AAP achieved and failed to achieve in their brief period in office.

Starting with the free water conundrum (I say conundrum because there was a hue and cry about the whole “free” affair). What really caught my attention was the great incentive for preservation. Quite frankly 700 lts a day is fair and more importantly, if majority of the city starts to keep themselves within the `free limit’ the water shortage problem will have at least one effective solution – less usage. But this is limited to independent meters only and there are no provisions for housing societies so one might say a little thought could have been put in that direction.

Moving on we have the reduced electricity rate. I don’t think electric subsidy should be the real point of attention here, rather one should talk about the audits being called on the distributors. Why? Well because the subsidy was anyways a temporary measure (as per AAP).Whereas it is the detailed study of the DISCOM’s books which would hold the answer to where the money flows. Also to be fair compared to the food security bill this isn’t exactly blowing that big a hole in the state’s pocket, so I don’t know what the hoopla is all about.

Now, addressing the elephant in the room –AK’s resignation over Jan Lokpal Bill. I find the whole incident both disturbing and inspiring. Disturbing because, `how could AAP not see this coming?’  It doesn’t exactly take a genius to see that the whole arrangement was a deal with the devil, given the nature of their allies and the intent of the opposition.A lot more planning (read convincing) was required on their part before trying to table the Bill. And inspiring because they did what they set out to do. I would have been happier had they completed the job but still how many CMs/ruling parties do we know which actually took the steps taken by him/them. They promised Delhiites something and did their best to deliver, and that to right from the day 1. Could things have been better if they didn’t have to run such a messed up combination?Maybe. Honestly, I don’t know. But personally I admire his stand for a firm Lokpal Bill without the center’s approval, and given that the center itself passed a very feeble version of the Bill, I seriously doubt there was a whole lot of choice.

And finally the million dollar question – “Should they be given another chance, with full majority?” Again it is not a query easily answered. They have shown the determination to deliver actively, something hitherto seen before, but that was without sufficient foresight and with (apparently) limited planning. They came good on their promises almost promptly (at least the ones that could be addressed in the short span) but maybe they were a little too prompt, maybe in too much of a hurry. They acted instead of just talking but,were those actions always in the right interests? These questions we all would have to deliberate upon and come to a conclusion which would serve well in the coming future.

PHOENIX – As he told it

The Phoenix is a legendary symbol of rebirth, and rebirth may not necessarily be literal for it can simply be an over the top substitute for change. Based on this interpretation and, what we see and hear in our day to day lives, I am making an attempt to come up with a series of compositions. Here is the first one.

'In flames it wore down leaving only ash behind,

 but from that sooty dust was a new head raised,

 what was assumed devoured by the flames wasn't gone.

 It died only so from the inferno it may be reborn.

 His voice was raised so were his hands,

 his eyes bulging and the gesture quite grand.

`So son', he said wrapping the child with his arm,

`what do you make of it, is there anything you could take?'

'It's all too fantastic', said the little one,

'all so mythical, that world of make-believe.'

 The father looked at the child with a stupefied stare,

 then with pride realized that nursling was quite aware.

`Child though you are right, this is just a tale,

 but only if you forget it after hearing at night'.

`When heard and understood it puts in perception,

 how there is no setback that couldn't be returned from.'

'Identify the Phoenix for me will you my son?'

 The child pondered but with no answer, he looked up

`No father I do not know, if you do please make me aware.'

 He said 'It's you', face adorned with delight and a knowing smile.

`The Phoenix is you', caressing the face he explained again.

`You are that bird of fantasy, that creature of wonder and of beauty '.

`And the fire that would be the cause of your rebirth

 at a time when you can only despair, is not but your will'.

`Now before you are lost in the world of dreams,
let me repeat this lesson of significance  my Phoenix,
when all the doors are close, and you see only darkness,
it is this fire that will determine, who you are when you come out’.

No such thing as ….. “Just a regular guy”

No such thing as ….. “Just a regular guy” is my latest article at fuchha, please do rate it there , and any constructive feedback is most welcome. ENJOY!!!

Arrey!!! You got new neighbours. Met them yet? What are they like?” “Amm…., they are okay, you know, just a bunch of regular people”. Sounds familiar. Probably so familiar, that people don’t even notice that it’s probably the most superficial, judgmental and quite possibly inaccurate statement. A statement that goes around so easily and that it stays unnoticed behind its subject. But I don’t blame anyone for that, as we live in a society with growing intolerance for anything that does not conform with set generic opinions, most of which date back generations. In fact being termed regular, or common, is probably the highest social acceptance reward that one could hope to achieve.

Tell me this – how can someone be ‘just regular’ when every step of the system, that we survive in, is defined by setting oneself apart from the herd. Take any domain or stage of life. Let’s start from the very beginning; admission to schools – government has been trying hard to interfere for some time now but the schools, at least the one’s which the parents really want to send their kids to, check thoroughly of applicant’s pedigree to judge how good a student the child may become (I mean come on!!!). Next step, college, if you don’t set yourself apart you’ll be lost in the crowd and nobody is going to give a damn, and let’s conclude with the jobs – most common interview question, “What is your USP?”, and each one of us prepares for that, so labelling any of these young boys and girls as ‘just regular’ people would be inaccurate to say the least.

Ever heard of the phone book reporter? Haven’t. Please allow me to introduce him. This person is a reporter in Lewiston Tribune who has been printing a front page column for more than a decade and a half. His subjects – random people chosen from a phone book. And he has been successfully telling their story all this time, you know why – because Mr. David Johnson believes (also the title of his column) that, when given the proper attention, “Everyone Has a Story”. And in a country like ours, with rich heritage and history it is as much if not more true as probably anywhere else in the world.

When one tries to follow Mr. Johnson’s footsteps one couldn't but agree with him. Families which had to move across International borders due to partition, people  leaving their comfort zone to make a mark in this world, kids with fantastic dreams in their eyes, teenagers moving across the country for higher education each and every one of them, and others alike, is a remarkable person hidden behind the veil of being regular.

Finally, after going through all this, if someone still manages to find a person who could only be termed as regular, wouldn't that – in a way make him, or her, or even them, ‘special’?

There and Back Again

Contrary to what the title may lead you to think this is not a hobbit’s tale. This is a sequel to the first half of my journey to Chail  (in – Getting There Is Half The Fun). Well now that is all cleared up, where did we leave!! Ahh yes, after spending a night and Pinjore and driving for nearly four hours on snaky but scenic mountain roads we arrived at Chail around lunch time. It goes without saying that we checked into our rooms and made a dash for the Chail market. Even though I have refrained from mentioning the names of any private establishments so far, but here I just have to mention our hotel – Hotel Sunset Grand which is quite aptly named. The hotel rooms towards the valley give you a beautiful view of the sunset in the evening, on the whole this place has nice rooms, good service, friendly staff and even though the rent isn’t cheap it isn’t over the top either.

View from the hotel room

Well we decided to stay in for the day as it was already four o clock and once the sun goes down around quarter past five it gets dark really fast and the only downside here – no lights on the street so driving can be a pain after six thirty in the evening so it goes without saying, if you want to plan your day start early. Now let me make one thing pretty clear Chail does not have a whole lot of tourist attraction but what I found really attractive is that it is clean, green, friendly and most importantly very peaceful and laden with pretty decent trails for hiking. I almost forgot to mention that we had some good luck on our side – it snowed there a few days before our arrival (a little unusual as per a maid at the hotel) but the roads had cleared off and yet there were remnants of that snowfall on the road sides (on the side of the mountain that didn’t get enough sunlight or is completely covered with dense foliage) and on a few hiking trails I’ll be sharing one with you.

Next day I decided to go to the Chail market for a morning walk (approximately 3.5 kms from our hotel) it was a wonderful experience and even though I have already mentioned this this before; this is what the air is supposed to smell like – absolutely nothing (except for occasional hint of pine), it was fresh and cold, terribly cold, but so rejuvenating. I was back in an hour and we headed out around nine after breakfast that included several cups of tea.

During the morning walk

Our first stop was ‘Mata Ka Tiba’ and it is exactly what it sounds like ‘a temple on a mountain top’. Being an agnostic I didn't have a whole lot of interest in the temple but you get a magnificent three sixty degree view from that place and after the horrifying drive – oh trust me the road to that place is narrow with loose gravel and every time a vehicle came from the opposite side I had a minor heart attack, and it just gets worse when you are coming down. Despite that the trip was worth it. Our next stop was another temple (mom just couldn’t get enough of them so we had no choice), but this time around the road though almost as narrow was better can’t say the same about the view though. From there we headed towards the Chail cricket stadium – the highest cricket stadium in the world. Honestly I has huge hopes for that place but at the time it was just a huge playground for the monkeys, settled there in huge numbers.

Our next stop the Chail Palace, built by Bhupinder Singh after he was exiled from Shimla (and to the best of my knowledge the cricket ground was also his contribution) by Maharaja  of Patiala, in 1891. Apart from the history lesson it also happens to be a well maintained and beautiful place but the most fascinating thing about the palace is that one can actually stay there. It is being run as a hotel by the Himachal Pradesh Tourism to provide tourists with a royal experience, for a price (make that a significant one). Apart from that the compound also houses several cottages that one could rent, but my favorite part – hiking trails galore and it is here that we found a snow covered trail. It is generally advised that if you don’t know what lies beneath the snow or how thick it is stay off it well, let us just say we took the advice. By now it was almost five o clock so we called it a day and headed back.

The Snow covered path near the Palace

We kept the next and our last day just to relax and fool around a bit and I recommend, if I may, when visiting a tourist destination for the first time always try to keep a day for which nothing is planned it gives you some space to get to know the place or in case it has been a very active tour just to put your feet up.

Morning of 29^th December we were packed and ready to head home. I might have not mentioned that while driving here most of the time we had mountains towards our side so, it comes to reason that this time it was valleys vertigo anyone. Coming back all I could think was how wonderful the trip had been, a great way to finish the year. I felt so free, relaxed and I don’t know why for some reason really upbeat even though the trip was over, and that euphoria still continues to stay like my very own talisman. A friend of mine used to say everybody has a perfect place to retreat, I think I found mine, I hope you do yours.