He won't let me sleep - II

Just as we think we don't matter or are actions are lost among those of billions of other people, something bizarre might just change our rigid perceptions.Continuing from Part-I

Well my visit was a colossal failure. Not only I paid a hefty sum for no solution, but also the medication just made things worse. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness every time to be woken up by a dark, flailing, howling figure. By the time this cycle was broken by my alarm at six I felt the spectre was getting nearer and the noise louder. On top of that I was very tired. But I went for a jog anyways as that was my only solace in this shit storm.

With days of sleep deprivation apparent on my face, I dragged myself to office. As my luck would have it, the boss called in a stupid meeting to discuss some community outreach initiative. Like I give a damn. The bloody meeting lasted for almost an hour and I think someone was acknowledged for something because everyone suddenly started clapping. Not knowing or caring why, I joined in too. After the infernal meeting was over I managed to reach my workstation and started going through my inbox. Out of twelve new mails only two had anything to do with work, rest all directly or indirectly asked about my visit to the shrink. ‘So much for confiding in friends, I’ll kill him if I ever ….’, ‘So how did it go?’ asked Kunal. ‘Think of the devil’, I thought and somehow managed a polite ‘not so well’ without actually hurting him. And I repeated this for a dozen other people, and every time my urge to kill grew stronger (Okay maybe that’s insomnia talking).

I dreaded meeting more people with pity in their eyes so I spent the lunch break at my cubicle. ‘Hey you are the guy that ……’, ‘YES’, I shouted. ‘ I am the one who is losing his mar….’, the words stopped in their tracks as I turned around to see the shocked face of the girl from cubicle 131. ‘Oh. Hey … Umm, I am really sorry, I didn’t mean to…, it’s just that I am having a really rough day’, I managed without bursting into flames. ‘Really …, but after the acknowledgement I thought you would be happy, or at least I think it was you in the meeting this morning’, she said, calmly and surprising me. ‘To be honest I wasn’t paying much attention’, I confessed. You are the guy who helped an old lady right’, she asked. ‘Yeah but I didn’t knew that was public knowledge’, I replied surprised again. ‘Well you would have had you been awake in the meeting, though I don’t blame you’. I was speechless over her remark. ‘I know these meetings can take their toll, but for someone who had been here less than a month you are pretty direct’, I told her quite impressed.  ‘Well I do tend to speak my mind but it wasn’t the meeting it’s you. You look like you’ve been to hell and back’, she said. ‘Ya, I have been having some trouble sleeping lately. By the way I am Deepvrath or, Deep if you like’, I said extending my hand. ‘Oh so sorry, I am Sarika, Sarika Ahuja’, she said shaking my hand. ‘Well it was nice meeting you Sarika, but I should get back to work’, I said and felt like kicking myself for it. ‘Ya me too’, she said waving her hand, as she moved towards her cubicle with a beautiful smile on her face.

I was ready to face any demons that day, or so I thought. But I was wrong, oh so wrong. That night the shadow was even closer I could almost make out the outline of his attire and the din was almost mind numbing. But before it got any closer I woke up. It was three in the morning, that’s four hours of sleep – ‘a new record’, I thought. But my head really hurt. I fought my instincts and the pill to stay awake for another couple of hours before deciding to go for an early jog. That was a bad idea. After such a long time my lack of sleep started showing on the track also. After completing just three fourths of my usual distance I was all out. When I reached home I had half a mind to take the day off, but remembering Sarika’s smile I changed my mind.

Day two after “the visit” started the same as last one (‘why can’t people mind their own business’). But on the plus side no stupid meeting and to top it all Sarika came over.

‘You really should see someone or take a pill or something’, she said with concern in her voice. Which I confess made me glad. ‘Been there done that’, I thought. ‘ Hey … , you don’t ..’, I almost said it out loud that she didn’t knew I had seen someone for this. ‘I don’t ….what?’ she asked. ‘Umm, nothing … not important. So it looks that bad, huh’, I asked. ‘Please, I’ve actually seen full blown junkies looking better’. ‘Well I don’t think I can do much at this point. I suppose it will take its course’, I said dreading how true that might be. ‘But I thought you just have trouble sleeping, my dad had the same problem but the pills helped him’, she said with a warm and sympathetic look in her eyes. ’It’s a little more complicated than that. Maybe some other time, I have a lot of work right now and I suppose you do too’ I said opening my mail and randomly sifting through screens hoping she would buy it. ‘If you don’t want to tell me that’s fine, I mean you barely know me so expecting you to open up would be unrealistic. But I was just trying to help’. I could sense that I had hurt her feelings. ‘Look Sarika, I know, in fact you’ve been the most help so far’, I said stating the obvious. ‘More than your shrink….’, she asked in an almost teasing tone. ‘So, you do know’, I said looking at my feet. ‘Honestly you’ve been more helpful than that quack and her pills put together’. And without even meaning to I caved, ‘how about this after work I will tell you everything. You know the café down the street, let’s meet there. It’s just I don’t want to discuss this in the office’, I pleaded. ‘Okay I’ll see you after work then’, she said going away. ‘Oh shit! Me and my big mouth, when she finds out, she is going to think I am totally bonkers.’ But it was out of my hands.

As we sat down in the café with my cappuccino and her drink, which I can’t even pronounce, I noticed something for the first time – ‘you’re engaged ‘, I said looking at the ring on her hand. ‘Yes, that’s kind of the reason for my shift. Getting hitched in three months’, she said with a huge smile. ‘Well congratulations’, I said , feeling unexpectedly –relieved. Now I didn’t really care if she thought I was a nutter. I felt as if I could tell her my story without any consequences and who knows maybe get some solution that doesn’t involve electric shock therapy. ‘Are we going to do this or what?’ she said clicking her fingers at my face. ‘Just thinking where to begin from. Ah you see about a couple of weeks back I started having a nightmare’, with that I narrated the entire ordeal and she didn’t interrupt me even once. ‘And you know what spooks me out – yesterday when I woke up I felt as if he was familiar somehow.’

`So …..?’ I said after almost a minute’s silence. ‘You know, the fact that this person appears familiar makes me think you’re probably not losing it’, she said very calmly taking a sip of whatever the hell she was drinking. Now this I wasn’t prepared for. ‘You are crazy’. ‘You really need to go back to the shrink.’ But not this. ‘Really you believe me, what if I am making this up?’ I asked. ’Are you?’ she threw right back at me. I was left dumbfounded. ‘Well for one it is too fantastic a story, if you aren’t living it chances to come up with it are pretty slim. Secondly’, she said showing as many fingers,’ you really do look like you can use a week’s sleep, at the least’.’ And thirdly, no attention seeker would go to this length of destroying his social reputation’ she said raising another finger. Finally when I was capable of talking again I told her ‘firstly, thanks for being cool about the whole thing and not bolting towards the door’, now my turn to raise the fingers. ’And secondly, what do you think…’, I asked. ‘I don’t know’, pat came her reply. ‘ Right now I am drawing a blank, I’ll tell you if something comes to my head’ . I was a little disappointed but then I told myself that it isn’t her job to help nut cases.

But maybe she did help in a way, because after twelve days I got a full night’s sleep, so did the night after that, and the one after that. But what I didn’t know was that soon I was in for one really long night.